The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.

AAAHH THE DENTIST !!

Well yes l was actually having a brave moment a few weeks back and booked dental appointment for whole gang !!
Yesterday morning had a quick prayer; previous dentist immigrated - Oz would you believe it!! - anyway thought she'd been replaced by man.....Claire not pleased as loved lady she has always seen, on arriving found new male dentists name Mrs......!! not male after all.
Directed children into chair one by one and listened to the nagging off "too many sugars" and "not enough brushing" hence a couple of tiny fillings for each older child!! to be booked in.
then Claire the smiler got in the chair and dentist asked if any problems? l said yes last back baby tooth loose with new tooth rising under causing discomfort - she looked then said to claire, right two choices 1) two injections and tooth pulled out OR 2) go home wiggle it out yourself within two weeks.............................Claire replied with big smile "ooohhh l'll have the two injections and have it pulled please"!!! with that assistant nearly swung round and fell off stool they were both amazed and said wasn't expecting that response - dentist then said well go home and wiggle it out it won't be long coming out !!
l got in chair after sending tribe into waiting room; much to their disgust !! (they would have enjoyed watching their mum skwerm - great news no treatment needed well just hygenist so l was on a high(praise the Lord, even got parked easily too) - when we got outside Claire said "l Don"t like her" l said why ever not..........she was sooo cross that new dentist had offered tooth pulling and jab and hadn't carried out the offer - (if l hadn't given birth to the child l'd swear she wasn't mine !!)
l spent the rest of journey home explaining most children wouldn't have chose that option
Claire still mantained "shouldn't say what you don't mean!"
Such strong views at such young age can't think where she gets that from !!

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning.
Whenever you want to talk, He listens.
He can live anywhere in the universe,
but He chose... your heart.
Face it friend, He is crazy about you!
God didn't promise days without pain,
laughter without sorrow, sun without rain,
but He did promise strength for the day,
comfort for the tears, and light for the way.
Have A Wonderful Day
May God Bless You Always

Found this and thought it was great !!

PIGEON UPDATE! Alas Mr.Fox did not take our feathered friend that night and l told Andy he would have to dispose before decompose (l know - poet just don't know it!!) Anyway following morning .......gone - pigeon that is not husband - l thought that was the end of it ........Luke just returned home and said where's the pigeon? l replied; think fox took it.........Luke said if he did he didn't want it .......... it's lying down on footpath; l consoled myself and considered maybe it's not the same one! (then had a horrible thought that it could be the pigeons mate - died of a broken heart, l will not be down broomfield road collecting pigeon on spade, have just looked out of window; on that note to see man with black bag and litter scooper, have just took picture have to see if it's good enough to blog with wondering if he can pick up pigeons with that scooper !!
yes photo worked !! just got camera in time man with red jumper litter collecting - what a nice chap!

Big Dave was right about the dusty bird marking!!

SONGBIRD!!

Ever since we moved in to this house we have had two pigeons that sit on our roof and twit twoo the whole time down the chimney l didn't really take a lot of notice of them (probably because l'm very rarely sitting in the lounge during the daytime!!) Anyway the neighbour was only saying last week how they really get on his nerves as they sit on his ariel too and wake him up really early during the summer months; he actually said he could quite happily shoot the things but hopefully he was joking.
Anyway after returning from church today the house was empty of children and so very quiet, Andy and myself was in the lounge when all of a sudden there was a big bang; l thought what was that and even went to duck down!!
I then realized that something had hit the front window as there seemed to be bits flying about, the bits turned out to be feathers - you've guessed it - it was one of the pigeons ! It was a really sunny day and the big fir tree reflects onto the window outside and the pigeon must have swooped in to land, hit the glass and then we watched it struggle onto the brick edging and then peacefully die, it was so sad neither of us said anything for a minute and just realized that in the background was the CD playing and can you believe it was playing the track "SongBird" that made it even worse - it really struck me how fragile that life is - one minute that pigeon was there the next it wasn't - l've left it out there l'm hoping it will be gone by the morning (Mr.Fox)=(one pigeon pie to go!).........sorry not funny!!...........l suppose that's what they call the circle of life.

HELP!!
THOUGHT I WAS HAVING A REALLY UNPOPULAR WEEK - APPARENTLY MY COMMENTS AREN'T WORKING !! ANYONE KNOW HOW TO RECTIFY THE PROBLEM ??

What about this for a coincidence - On my way to the other side of town with andy's lunch l had to stop in the row of traffic and pulled up alongside a building and was reading the list of occupants in the building of offices one said RELATE and l thought blimey that would be stressful enough just finding that place if you had to let alone if you needed it as well !! well on the way back some time later l stopped and had the car washed and then thought best fill the car with diesel whilst paying this woman was asking people if they knew where no47 was and everyone was saying No, then l said "oh actually l live in this road and it must be at this end as l'm 207" but l didn't know where and she said "well actually its Relate" then my mind went blank!! Do you think l could explain - so l said "let me pay and l'll come out and look down the road to get my bearings"!!! when l got out the woman looked as if she was pulling off the forecort so l was just getting in the car when she wound down the window!!.......... back out the car and l explained the best l could, stay in middle lane, follow road round and you'll see it listed on left with that she said right ok, repeated the directions back to me apart from the last line she filled that with and it's on the right thanks and pulled off the forecourt before l had a chance to correct her!! How mad is that !!?

THE DENTIST

have just come back from taking Luke to the dentist - on entering the waiting room there was a lady chattering on a mobile phone. I thought to myself of the numerous occasions l had sat waiting looking at the sign on the door saying no mobiles.

The lady's phone then rang again and she took another call leisurely chatting away! then her daughter came out and she left.

Luke then looked at me and said "some people can't read" whilst shaking his head !! l then looked up and was looking at the door looking for the sign that said please do switch off your mobile phones there was the one about parking and two other dentals ones and so said where does it say that then Luke he just shook his head again and when l looked again it wasn't a written poster it was the sign above !!

I'm glad the waiting room was empty !!

TABLE FOR FOUR !!

This tickled me yesterday:-

l rang my dad who lives in Spain to see how he is; whilst on the phone l asked if he'd seen anything of my older brother Tony lately (he lives in Spain too) he proceeded to tell me the following story:
My dad and his wife, Sylvia, had booked a table to have dinner at a resturant with some friends that were over visiting. On arriving at the resturant they told the waiter they had booked and the waiter looked rather confused when they said it's in the name of "Rush" the waiters then looked even more puzzled because they had already filled the reserved table that had been booked, bear in mind all of this confusion is happening in broken english and spanish.At this point being hungry they were becoming a little annoyed at the fact that they had taken the trouble of booking and the table hadn't been saved anyway - they managed to fit them in and find an empty table alongside the other group of four that had taken the reserved table !! It turned out to be my brother and his partner and two friends, apparently Tony had entered the resturant ahead of his partner and when asked if he had booked he said "oh l don't know have you got a booking for four in the name of 'Rush' when they said yes you've booked he didn't question it as he thought his partner must have booked the table earlier that day!! What a coincidence the same resturant, same day, same name!!!

Well today was the second ice-skating trip and l am glad to confess l am safetly home without a bruise; well, just last weeks one still on my arm!!
I'm really not sure how long this event will carry on for after all it was supposed to be a treat for Claire and she spends the whole time stressing - just a few of her comments:- "great yes thanks just stop in front of me" "are all boys thick?" "I can wait" (sarcastically) ..........what l try really hard to get across is that most; (not all) skaters are probably no better at skating than us, but she sees it that there all out to do things on purpose !! Maybe she's too tired after school or is just very frustrated at not being able to wizz about yet !! Only time will tell - l think the classic comment of the session was when a little boy was slipping and sliding around in front of Claire and wouldn't let her past - she began to make all of the usual comments and when l said "Claire he's only a little boy" her reply was "exactly what's he doing here on his own then?"

This Is AMAZING!!!
Until now I never fully understood how to tell,
The difference Between Male and Female Birds.
I always thought it had to be determined surgically.
Until Now. Which of The Two Birds Is a Female???
Below are Two Birds. Study them! closely ...
See If You Can Spot ! Which of The Two Is The Female.
It can be done.
Even by one with limited bird watching skills.
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click on right hand seagull to see difference!!

Parents evening........
Well apparently Claire's doing really well at school with a really cheerful personality, so am really pleased about this; her teacher said that she is constantly laughing with Claire because of her sense of humour the latest funny moment was when Claire was asked to write a "spring" poem and in her keenness to please she rushed and wrote a poem called "new fluffy baby lamps"!!
It was great to meet a young teacher with such a sense of humour and an obvious enjoyment of her profession. I think a happy teacher encourages happy children.